Let me first start by saying that none of my kids are terribly difficult. Each of them comes with their personalities, temperaments, attitudes, and emotional outbursts, and that’s where it can get tricky. Sometimes it is the clashing of characters that can make parenting hard. I’ve recently found myself struggling with certain annoying habits from one of my kids, and I couldn’t quite figure out how to solve it. But my husband and I went through a process, and it seemed to work for us, so here I am sharing our tried and worked strategy.
Acceptance: You need to accept the issues verbally. This step helps you hone down on what is bothering you and what is making the parenting relationship hard. Make a list with your spouse, and don’t feel guilty for doing it. In acknowledging it, you are helping yourself be more aware of your child’s behavior, enabling you to adjust your parenting strategies intentionally.
Accept what is in your control: This is so important. Once you have made that list, think about what is innate to your child and what can be controlled. For example, if your child is highly energetic or very emotional, or generally a goofy person, it is not a changeable attribute. We are not attempting to change who they are but seeking to understand the root cause of our ability to tolerate our child’s behavior.
Pay attention to insecurities: If your child is being overly clingy or seeking attention for no reason, then try to get to the root cause of their insecurities. This step may not happen overnight and will need both parents to work together. I like to ask my husband to use his nighttime to talk to the kids about their day while I try to use the moment of clinginess to talk about it.
Self-reflection: It is so essential to always self-reflect. It is hard work to care for kids all day long, and sometimes it is not their actions but our intolerance and impatience that causes us not to accept certain innate behaviors or actions kids take in our moment of weakness. Think about ways you can control your own emotions, impulses, and annoyances. The easiest thing to do is to walk away from your kid and give yourself some space. I am guilty of not doing this more often than I should.
We can all admit that it is a privilege to raise kids and yet a difficult job. It isn’t easy because we want to do our best and raise well-rounded kids who are responsible citizens, wise decision-makers, God-fearing in everything they do, and successful in their lives. That is a lot to accomplish, and let’s be honest; there are things we can control and others we can’t. But don’t be hard on yourself when you are struggling with a kid or two. It’s ok to not get it right the first time. I think our kids can forgive us, and someday, when they grow up, they will understand our parenting attempts. I know I do. But the key is to take some time to think, talk, reflect, and find a way out of it.
