I was making dinner one day, and it was over an hour since I was in the kitchen with no interruptions from the kids. I took a peek to see what they were up to and found them getting along very well playing, unaware that I was standing and watching them for a few minutes. Have you ever tried to get through a task without being disturbed by your kids? Here’s a fact about little ones – they are needy and love to receive undue attention at unreasonable times for unexpected reasons. If you heed their demands, you will be left with a child craving instant attention all the time. You may ask, what is wrong with that? In all honesty, nothing. But if you want your children to be independent, it might help to let them wait for a little while when their need is not greater than the moment. Allow your kids to entertain themselves, play independently, and solve problems without needing a grown-up\’s attention or intervention.
Recently, I noticed that my 6-year old was coming to me a lot with her problems. These problems seemed so simple I almost wondered if she tried solving them on her own. So one day when she brought her problem, I asked her if she could be a problem solver and not a problem teller. I was teaching her at that moment to be independent. Of course, she did not like the answer right away, but she did solve that problem she came to me with.
Let’s talk about toddlers now. They are at the perfect age to teach independence. My almost 2-year old boy has always been an attention seeker. He is now at an age where he can play with his siblings or play independently without me being around. Every time he comes to me for attention, I urge him to go play or distract him with something else, and before I know it, he gets busy again. But it took a while to get here. He was my longest breastfed baby (18 months to be exact) and, that could have contributed to his clinginess. For a very long time, he would not be willing to do anything independently unless mom or dad were around.
It is easy to miss teaching life skills to little ones but essential for us parents so can free ourselves to focus on other things. Teach your toddler to put on their clothes, zip up their jackets, put on their shoes, open things, serve themselves at the table, pick their own clothes, clean up after themselves, or even eat food on their own. My 3-year old does not enjoy the process of eating and is generally happy to leave the table with his plate still full of food. Until recently, we would feed him just so he got some nutrition in his body. I would dread mealtime because of this. We recently started to focus on teaching independence at the table. When he rejects his food, in place of feeding him, we offer him the choice to skip his meal with no alternatives or head straight to bed. He will usually come back to the table and eat something, which is a small win. The key is to be consistent so that they can build habits that will last forever.
I’d like to encourage parents out there who struggle to get through basic daily chores and who crave quiet time – don’t be afraid to let your children manage their needs independently so that you can finally do what you need to do without interruptions. Learn the difference between a distressing situation and an attention-seeking child, and think about what you will accomplish if you step into the latter. Sometimes, exchanging their ask with a quick hug or kiss can make a world of difference at that moment.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This verse is so apt for all the lessons we teach our children as they grow up to be fully-rounded independent human beings.
