I’ll share a confession with you. I’m an overworked mom who vowed to give it my all when I became a SAHM five years ago. I dream big for my kids and strive to instill deep passion in them for the things they do. I am their mentor, motivator, coach, teacher, and everything else required in a job setting, except my home, is my job setting. We shoulder the responsibilities of managing the household, attending to our children’s emotional needs, organizing their extracurricular activities, attempting to cook as much as possible at home, and the list is endless.
Although it’s not easy for me to admit, there are days when I feel like I have too much on my plate—overworked, overwhelmed, underappreciated, and short on help. I also feel guilty if I take back time to pursue personal interests because that means less time helping my kid with her violin, reading books to my little one, skipping board games with the family, or ordering out.
If you find yourself scrolling social media, you will have greater FOMO (fear of missing out) watching moms take their children on nature walks, getting their hands dirty in sensory bins, and embarking on exciting hikes and excursions. It is so easy to feel pressured into doing more when we see others doing it. Unfortunately, this sets unrealistic standards for balancing responsibilities and caring for ourselves.
But it does not have to be this way.
Parenting often presents challenges, and motherhood can be quite demanding. However, it also offers tremendous satisfaction, joy, and a deep sense of honor when we focus on the experiences, interactions, and relationships over our daily chores, activities, and endless to-do lists. I wouldn’t be dedicating my life to this role if it weren’t gratifying.
But to do this, we must take small, manageable steps to eliminate the tasks that overwhelm us. It’s possible to aspire to be a supermom (if that’s your goal) without compromising our mental and physical well-being or missing out on what truly matters.
4 WAYS TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
Here are four things you can do to take charge of your current state.
1. Give up something that is taking time and energy and causing mental overload:
I’ve had some chronic back issues in the last several weeks, and I finally realized that I needed to say no to several things, including serving my family. Thankfully, I have a husband who can step in, care for the kids, and care for things at home while I lay in bed, learning to rest and heal.
Everyone has something they can give up. It may be your need to cook every meal fresh and warm. You may also have signed up the kids for too many extracurricular activities. Your need for perfection may make you obsess over a task. Make a list of everything you do in your home under each category – cleaning, cooking, homeschooling, social events, volunteer opportunities, etc. Then circle the ones that can wait. Have routines and rhythms supporting your mental, physical, and emotional needs. For example, finish laundry on Friday so you can have time to rest on the weekend. Meal plan and build in leftover as an option. Cereal is a perfect dinner meal every once in a way. Don’t worry about cleaning when your body does not have the energy or capacity to do it.
2. Stop the Guilt, Get some rest:
Don’t feel guilty if you need that nap in the afternoon or go to bed earlier than your children. Feel free to skip bedtime with kids so you can rest early. Do not feel bad for some much-needed and deserved TV time without the kids. Get that massage you’ve needed for a long time, or take time to unwind with family and friends. Don’t feel bad for leaving your family behind during these moments. You can best serve your family when you are in the best of health. Also, work with your spouse because it is not possible to take a backseat if there is no support from him.
3. Get your family and children involved:
Your kids can do more than you think they can at young ages. My five-year-old does an excellent job unloading the dishwasher. He will pile the items he cannot put away so someone else can quickly get to them. After months of practice, he is the only kid who knows exactly where everything must go. It is also a task assigned to my oldest, which is a great help to me. In addition, my two oldest children are responsible for tidying up the table mess after a meal. They clean the mats and the tabletop and vacuum the floors. With practice, children get pretty good at their chores. In doing this, they learn to be good citizens and develop the necessary life skills.
For most moms, laundry is the monster chore in the home; no matter how much you do it, it comes around every week. Putting away every cloth washed for every household in your home is enormous. Delegate the job. This week, I offered my oldest a few dollars to put away her younger siblings’ laundry. Remember that she is ten years old and has already been putting away her laundry for two years. My 6-year-old wanted in on that, so I showed him how to fold, and he did his clothes. While I don’t intend to pay them each time they help each other out, it is a great way to teach it and build it into their core responsibilities.
4. Take time to Pray:
Let this be the first thing you do. Sometimes, you need a perspective shift. What are your priorities? How do you care for your family? What does the Bible have to say about self-care? How can God give you the proper discernment to know when to say yes or no? I enjoyed reading this perspective on rest, so take a read if you are curious what the Bible has to say. How can we serve and teach those around us to serve us in our time of need? Remember that Jesus also rested, ate, and prayed, while also serving others by caring for those in need.
WHAT’s NEXT
While you may have already heard of, been advised of, or are aware of these four simple actions, have you taken the leap yet? Here are a few other things you can do to move things along in your home.
- Have a family meeting to discuss how we can all share the workload at home
- Be open and talk about your health problems so your children are more attuned to your needs.
- Help your children care and serve others in the home by giving them things to do, ideas to nurture, and feedback as you go. It is essential to do this when we want to teach our children to go from serving themselves to caring for others in the home. (This deserves a whole blog for another day)
- Discuss expectations, rewards, and consequences for not following through.
