What is it that triggers our irrational state of mind when it comes to our children? Is it disobedience, subordination, lying, fighting, whining, irresponsibility, or disrespect? No matter what gets us on edge, we need to reflect on why certain things bother us and if it is ok to let it go. I will be honest with you, I am not always patient, but I make a tremendous effort before losing it altogether. But this effort comes from my ability to self-reflect each day about how I could have handled the day better. We need to live in a state of continuous improvement to work towards being great parents. After all, you don’t just become one overnight.
As grown-ups, we sometimes lack an understanding of our child’s behaviors and attitudes. This is because we reason logically about the world, unlike our children. On the other hand, they are still developing their maturity, rational thinking, and understanding of what’s in their best interest. This gap can create an unimaginable clash of minds. As a parent, you cannot rationalize the childish nature causing strain on your state of mind. This is when you exhibit emotions such as impatience leading to yelling, reprimanding, time-outs, etc.
How can we rationalize our feelings at the right moment to respond more appropriately to our children’s behaviors? I call it the intentional moment of thought. We need to teach and remind ourselves every moment of the day that sometimes, we need to let go of the expectation that our children will behave rationally at the moment we need them to. We need to accept that our children will not stop a behavior just because we tell them it doesn’t make sense. An intentional moment of thought can be applied at any time. Make a list of events in the day that made you feel uneasy about how you approached it. Find out what triggered it, and rationalize it for a moment.
For example, my kids scream a lot when playing, and trust me, it is no fun listening to that. But in rationalizing it, I realized that their screaming resulted from their play and not an effort to drive me crazy; So unless we need quiet in the house, I do not stop them. Sometimes we need to pick and choose our battles with our kids. Do you want to get into a heated discussion over why your kid didn’t put their plate away or just remind them to do it? Would you yell over a mess of spilled water or let it go and commend your toddler for pouring a glass of water on their own? Do you get mad that the car was not put into the proper toy bin or just be thankful that your child tidied up?
Let’s be rational beings in our homes and give our children some liberty for error, understanding that it comes from being a child. Let’s choose to be ok with some mess and noise and be aware that this little person is not intentionally making an effort to rattle you.
