As a Christian mom, I have been looking for resources to help me navigate how to talk to my kids about sex from a biblical perspective. Thankfully, many Christian moms and dads have written helpful and informative books to guide us on this journey.
However, before turning to outside resources, it is important to first build a strong foundation of what you believe is right and appropriate. As Christians, our values come from knowing Christ Jesus, who calls us to live by high moral standards. The Bible offers clear guidance on what is true and good when it comes to Christian sex education and teaching children about purity.
Let’s begin by recognizing that sex education should not be a one-time talk, but an ongoing conversation. It should create a safe and trusting environment where your child feels comfortable asking even the most embarrassing or private questions.
Key Conversations to Have With Your Kids About Sex
1. Teaching Moral Values from a Biblical Perspective
Before discussing sex, it is important to talk about family values, biblical morality, and ethical decision-making. Many children and even young adults are not taught how to apply these values, which can lead to confusion and poor choices. Parents assume that children know what you believe and that it does not need to be explicitly told.
Our moral values help us distinguish right from wrong and guide us in making wise decisions. As Christians, we are called to live purposeful lives that honor God. One of the clearest ways to teach this is through the fruit of the Spirit.
In Galatians, Paul reminds us not to gratify the desires of the flesh, including sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery. Instead, we are called to live by the Spirit, showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
These qualities shape not only our character but also how we treat others.
As parents, we can begin by teaching:
- God’s design for marriage and family
- The purpose and timing of dating
- What a healthy relationship looks like
- Respect, dignity, and personal boundaries
- The importance of honoring one’s body
If you feel unsure about where to start, I encourage you to explore the books listed below and have intentional conversations with your spouse about what is right for your family.
2. Building Self-Worth and Identity in Christ
Another essential conversation is about self-worth and identity.
Teach your child that their value comes from God. Help them understand that they are loved, created with purpose, and worthy, not because of external validation, but because of who God made them to be.
Affirm their strengths, talents, and efforts. Encourage them in their schoolwork, hobbies, and responsibilities. Most importantly, guide them to spend time in God’s presence so they can develop a strong identity rooted in Him.
Many young people seek validation in unhealthy ways, including relationships that compromise their values. Teaching biblical self-worth can help them make wise and confident choices.
There is a lovely book that parents can read to help kids feel confident in their identity. It is called unlocking your Identity.
3. Choosing Good Friends and Avoiding Peer Pressure
Friendships play a powerful role in shaping behavior. Teach your children how to choose friends who:
- Share similar values
- Encourage wise decisions
- Stand firm in the face of temptation
- Respect boundaries
Negative peer influence can lead children to engage in behaviors they are not ready for or do not fully understand. Open conversations about peer pressure, friendships, and social influences are essential.
Make it a habit to:
- Know who your child’s friends are
- Monitor online activity appropriately
- Check in regularly about their relationships
4. Teaching the Bible as the Foundation
Above all, teach your child to stay grounded in the Word of God.
The Bible provides guidance on:
- God’s design for sex and marriage
- What constitutes sexual sin
- How we are called to treat others
- Living a life that honors God
Helping your child understand Scripture equips them to make decisions based on truth, not culture.
When to have the talk
At what age you begin these discussions is entirely up to you. Personally, I did not feel the need to address heavier topics before 5th grade with my daughter and that felt right for us. I will likely take a similar approach with my boys. That said, it doesn’t mean avoiding the conversation altogether. Start with age-appropriate discussions about puberty and their bodies. Conversations about sex can come later.
Otherwise, let your child’s maturity level guide you, and plan to have these conversations in phases beginning with puberty and building from there.
Remind your child that they can always come back to you with questions no matter how small or uncomfortable. Approach these conversations with calmness and without shame, so your child learns that curiosity is natural and safe to bring to you. Be prepared for questions to come at unexpected times, and respond with honesty in a way that is appropriate for their age.
These conversations don’t have to be perfect, they just need to be consistent and rooted in truth.
This advice may not apply if your child has heard something from an external source such as a friend, or exposed to media outside the home without your consent. I have often seen parents who are unaware of the knowledge their child has on this topic. It is key to understanding what your child is exposed to outside the home, specifically with friends, on playdates, access to screen without parenting consent in friends homes, etc are ways that they can be exposed to information on this topic. Have loving conversations with them to probe into their knowledge on this subject and correct any deficiencies in their understanding.
Helpful Christian Books
On Puberty
If there is one book you would like your child to read, it would be the below set. These books are interactive and are set up as a an easy to do Bible Study. This book discusses puberty and your body. It does not cover the topic of sex. Puberty and sex don’t have to be discussed at the same time. Your child needs to digest the thought of a changing body first and understand God’s design for him or her.
These books can be read by your child alone or with a parent. I encourage you to do it with them so you can build a relationship that makes you their safe place to discuss their body.
In addition, I recommend The Period Book for your daughter as she learns about her period. There are many books available, but after reading through several, I found this to be the most helpful and age-appropriate option.
On Sex Education
These books have been very helpful to me in preparing to have discussions with my daughter., and I will reread them when I have to have the same discussion with my boys. Remember to use these as tools to guide you. Pick and choose as you see fit.
How & When to Tell Your Kids About Sex : A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character: Intended for you as a parent to read and prepare to talk with your kids.
More Than Just the Talk: Becoming Your Kids’ Go-To Person about Sex: Intended for you as a parent to read. This was my favorite book of them all. Jonathan McKee has written many books on this topic and I urge you to look them up and see what best fits.
Before I Was Born : Intended for you to read to your child of age 5-8.
What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares about Sex : Intended for your child of ages 8-12 to read on their own. However, I would still read this guided with them so you can navigate the questions they may have.
Facing the Facts: The Truth about Sex and You : Intended for your child of ages 12-17 to read on their own. I would still find a way to have a guided discussion about it.
The below three books are written by Luke Gilkerson and are actually very well done. They are short books to read but gives you script to you when talking to your kids about this topic. I would encourage you to look these up.
7 Lessons to introduce your child to Biblical Sexuality
Changes: 7 Biblical Lessons to Make Sense of Puberty
Relationships: 11 Lessons to Give Kids a Greater Understanding of Biblical Sexuality
