As a stay-at-home mom, it is a lot harder to find yourself having privacy or personal space. Your children know that you are available at all times of the day. And while being there 24 hours a day sounds like your job, it is not entirely true. You are entitled to personal space and quiet time. In fact, it is recommended and should be mandated. Taking some time for yourself does not make you a selfish mom. It is, in reality, the opposite. By taking care of yourself, you become equipped to serve your family with a better mental and physical state of mind.
I have a child who recently started to keep tabs on me all through the day. It was hard to be gone for a moment without being found. If you have heard of the mom who hides in her closet at times, that is me, my friends. Eventually, I had to have a chat with this child to find out why. I wanted to make sure that they did not have any insecurities or fears about me not being within their line of sight. And to my surprise, I was given a reason I least expected. Kids are pretty perceptive, and my kid remembered something I said about going away if they continued to not listen to me. Of course, at that time, I was making a desperate attempt to seek their attention. Little did I know that my kid would take my words at its face value. I had to assure my child that I was not going anywhere nor would ever leave my kids in my lifetime. I had to explain that I spoke in the heat of that moment and should never have said it.
Kids need to feel safe, secure and comforted in their home before setting boundaries for space. This is especially true with your kids who are deeply attached to a parent. Needless to say, if you have a clingy child, attached kid, or just needy children, you need to take the time to explain to them that boundaries are necessary and even essential in their own home. It is also where our partners need to play a role. They can talk to a child about why the mom or dad needs some time for themselves or why giving others personal space shows love and respect. It is not something that all children can understand, but in having the discussion more often and setting those boundaries, children will come to accept and honor it.
So what are these boundaries I am talking about here?
- Physical space: Needing privacy when using the bathroom, changing your clothes, sitting down to watch some grown-up TV for instead of puppy dog pals, trying to get some uninterrupted yoga time, or even getting chores done without kids messing it up are all considered physical space.
- Emotional space: Emotional Space could refer to needing a time-out when having a bad day, needing space to deal with escalating emotions, or just dealing with the ups and downs of life.
- Mental Space: This is different from emotional space. It is taking time for your mental health, and sometimes not having space while working through anxiety in the middle of your day can be difficult. For me, having quiet time in the presence of the Lord helps my mental health, but most days, I’m interrupting not long before I can enjoy the moment.
These are all important personal needs, and we parents should be intentional in caring for our own well-being. Once you have established boundaries with your children and family, take time to use your time wisely. I have found myself using my alone time for chores and other such activities, but the fact is that we need to use this time to rest, refresh, and restore. I could use some space from my kids so that I can miss them, love them, and cherish them.
Will you take the time to talk to your child/children about boundaries and take the time to reinforce them? You’ll be glad you did.
