It is a known fact that kids lie every so often. No matter how good we like to believe our children are, we need to acknowledge this truth. In this blog, I will share my thoughts on what a lie is, how to handle it, and when to worry about it.
When children are toddlers, they make up stuff all the time.
- They love to exaggerate a fact by stating more than is expected; for example – they’ll say they saw a heart-shaped rainbow in the sky.
- Other times they will tell a story to cover up a discretion; for example – ‘The teacher said we could play anywhere in the playground, so I knew it was ok to jump into the puddle.’
- Then there is the transfer of blame or emotions; ‘My doll is mad at mommy because she won’t let me play outside.’
All of these are lies of some form but harmless to anyone. With the right tone and right questions, they will come around to telling you what happened and how they feel. You can then use this time to assure them that you are always their safe place to share no matter what it is.
As kids get older, the lies evolve, and the reasons change, and this is when we need to pay attention:
- Kids will blame their siblings if something goes wrong.
- When they are guilty, they will pretend not to know.
- When they break the rules, this same child will lie about it.
- They will say anything to avoid a consequence for a fault.
When kids lie more often than we like, it is easy to lose trust in them, and as parents, we tend to doubt them more often than not, even when they speak the truth.
I made this mistake many times but recently learned a hard lesson. I doubted my child, who was speaking the truth one day. It turned out this kid was right, and we had to attend to the situation quickly. I had to ask my child for forgiveness for doubting her, and I was forgiven right away. But my guilt did not go. I apologized several times after and finally sat down to explain why I had a hard time trusting.
I often tell my child the story of the boy who cried ‘Wolf.’ It is an Aesop’s fable, and these are short stories that teach valuable lessons on morals. The story is about a boy who was watching his sheep. One day, he decided to play a prank on the villagers and called out, “Wolf! Wolf!”. The villagers ran to his rescue only to find him laughing at them. The boy repeated this several times until finally, a real wolf showed up, and no one believed him or came to his rescue.
While this story’s moral is not to lie, we missed another lesson: the lying boy eventually told the truth. Like the boy in the story, we need to give kids the benefit of the doubt, probe into the matter, listen to all sides, and then come to a conclusion. Sometimes, you may not be able to get to one. And that\’s when we need to rely on God’s wisdom and grace. If we have been forgiven over and over by a Savior who loves us, then so can we forgive our little ones when they lie?
My fear was always that my children might misuse my trust if I blindly believed their words. The truth of the matter is that believing them and affirming that in words will teach them to feel respected, trusted, and safe to speak the truth when it matters.
